Tuesday, April 11, 2006, 2:00 PM
M.I.A.
It's been almost 2 months since I last blogged. Don't know why, just wasn't in the mood to blog. Even now it's taking a substantial amount of effort to write. But somehow I feel that there are things in my heart that need to be poured out. I apologise to anyone who might have been affected by my attitude and lack of enthusiam these past few weeks. I've tried not to let what's going on within affect how I interact with people but I've let it slip at some points in time...
I am the harshest judge of myself and my attitudes. And I do get mad at myself for things that no one even ever sees. I'm still struggling with my journey of becoming a man of God. Why don't I do the things that I know I must do but instead do the things that I know not to do? It eats me to know that darkness still has a hold on me and that I'm not free to live a life of freedom that Jesus has intended for me...
Sometimes I guess it isn't the workload; the endless meetings, services, practices etc, but rather, why do I feel so alone doing the work? Shouldn't there be fellow warriors fighting alongside me, reminding me that I'm a prince of the Most High, fighting for a cause higher than our own? Or has the devil's lies managed to convince us the we are really nothing of worth? That we are beyond hope? That our lives are meant to be lived out repaying a debt we can never pay?
So now there's a decision I must make. A fork in the road that will determine the rest of 2006 and perhaps the future that's yet to come. Shall I continue banging my head on the wall, doing the same things the same way and getting frustrated with myself; Or shall I take a leap of faith, do things I won't normally do, challenge myself and pursue something that I've never achieved before?
Dear Lord Jesus, please guide my steps. Don't ever let me stray too far that I may forget You. Lead me along the narrow path and in the way everlasting. Amen.
here i am
Praise the LORD.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,
praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.
(Psa 150:1-6)
this is me
Christ's life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Gal 2:20 MSG)
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